It sounds cold to say ‘New Year, New Friends.’
Even though I started 2015 with new friends and left some of my (former) friends back in my ‘2014 vault.’
It was the beginning of December and I had been feeling emotionally drained and used. I knew things had to change in my life.
I’ve been NEEDING a new beginning. What was a coincidence was the timing in which all of this happened (in December).
I did a lot of self-help exercises, mindset shifts, and realizations in December.
I realized that I had to let go of ::
the friend that mooched off of me
the friend that only called me when she wanted something and when she didn’t need anything, I wouldn’t hear from her
the friend that never messaged/texted me. It was me who was the one texting her.
the friend who could afford to pay her way when we’d go out but constantly claimed to not have any money so she’d ask if I could pay
the friend who was constantly texting on her phone as she had lunch with me at a restaurant
I realized why these friendships were making me unhappy. Actually, I was angry at all of them and with some, I grew resentful.
The reason can be summed up in two words.
Those 2 words are the reason that friendships and relationships tend to fade away and eventually end.
When one person gives more than the other, the energy exchange isn’t equal and over time it causes the giver to feel emotionally exhausted and they start feeling as if it isn’t fair.
Well… because it’s not fair.
Have you noticed that when you give more of your time, or perhaps provide more value, or you’re there for them more than they are for you, or you listen to them and they don’t give you that same type of respect, or give more money (any of the above) than the other person, eventually you start to get angry because you feel things aren’t fair?
And this applies towards boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, friendships, acquaintances, business associates, etc.
A lack of equal energy exchange is what I’ve noticed was the reason for friendships and business relationships not working out in my life.
And by realizing that, it makes moving on so much easier.
Moving forward, I told myself that I’d only be friends with people in which the energy exchange is equal. That way everything is fair and there will be no anger and resentment in the future.
Another thing about energy exchange…. I noticed that things didn’t feel equal in regards to my relationship.
* My boyfriend expects me to answer his phone calls during the day (even though I’m working), yet when I call him, he doesn’t answer the phone most of the time because he’s talking to a client.
* My boyfriend wants me to eagerly listen to his future business plans yet he doesn’t even want to hear about mine.
* My boyfriend wants me to go with him (and participate) as he does his hobbies yet he doesn’t want to go with me as I do mine.
These things had been going on for the past couple of years. Eventually it got to the point where I was so livid and we didn’t just have a conversation about this. We’ve been talking about this for the past 6 weeks because this (energy exchange as I call it) and mindset (that’s a story for another blogpost) are the reasons in which I knew were deal breakers in our relationship. Either we both worked on these issues and would move forward, or we would have to part ways.
My boyfriend decided to work through these issues because he says he doesn’t want to break up.
Questions for you ::
Think of the friendships that drain you. What is it about those friendships that makes you feel that way? And after realizing what it is, what are you going to do about it?